a mess for words

I still remember

2009-04-24T17:17:56Z

In the moonlight seeping through the window of your apartment on the 20th floor, I looked out into what was left of the city lights at 3am and whispered “This is an amazing view you’ve got here..”

I turned around to see you standing diagonally across the room from me. You respond by saying, “The view is actually better from over here.” I believe you and walk over to where you are. I stand right in front of you to try and see what you’re seeing, and when you lean over my shoulder a bit from behind, I can feel the warmth of your breath on my neck.. and because of that, it takes all the strength I have to keep my nerves in check. You point to the bridge far, far out in the distance that I couldn’t see when I was up closer to the scenery, and when I turn around to agree — that yes, this is a better view than what I saw before, that I can see so much more, our eyes lock and your mouth hits my own.. and even though our lips were still moving, there were no words being spoken.

…

The night transcends into something both expected and unexpected and soon after, the sun rises and I lay my head in the nook between your arm and your chest. As I closed my eyes to finally rest, I’m left feeling like nothing else matters.

loveslyric @ 2008-12-08T10:06:00

2008-12-08T15:08:26Z

in this game of cat and mouse
december fourth two-thou-eight

with you, it always begins with a some kind of build-up,
an exchange of electronically riddled messages
with a hint of flirtation underlying,
implying the idea of unspoken urges
of lying beneath the dark,
fully completing what this build-up was from the start.
working with only our minds and never our hearts,
(though i still can't help but question mine,
i know yours is much more 'smart')
...down the line to our fingertips, we set this course in action
mixing both subtleties and playful reactions
in the cups we drink to get ourselves drunk
with lust and love and trust and boldness and might
while we let our bodies linger as we dance
around the possibilities that float throughout the night

(where at this point, i always get the feeling you want it just as much as i do,
but you like to play the tease and almost never want to say you do)

so the chaser becomes the chasee and we cycle back and forth until we fall
and i like to think that together we both gave in, and finally broke down our walls
for that one dawning state of happiness that this all began around.
i have to say when it comes down to it ... i happen to enjoy the final sound.

with you, i always knew it was never going to be that easy
but sometimes i like to play, because in the end, it pleases me.

loveslyric @ 2008-07-21T00:32:00

2008-07-21T04:33:32Z

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. - William Wordsworth

loveslyric @ 2008-01-14T12:39:00

2008-01-14T19:27:02Z

he's in it for the chase
of the matter
--not because i matter
he's in it for the smile
i cause to creep upon his face
onto his light pink lips
i've always had this urge to kiss, kiss
and he's in it for the glow
in knowing i can't get enough of him
through the blush i still attempt to hide in
(because i have the hardest time hiding it)
but deep down inside,
we both know--he'll never give in
or succumb to what i could give him
because his eyes, they don't rely
on just how lovely this prize is
but on what a thrill it is
of somehow, someway,
getting his way
through my door
... and nothing else,
nothing more.

loveslyric @ 2007-11-08T09:29:00

2007-11-08T14:30:15Z

undefined lines
november seven two-thou-seven

when my fingers speak to the words of the small of your back, i find this to be my favorite type of discussion. punctuated with kisses on my collarbone. legs, bodies positioning into an ellipses of things better off unspoken. resulting in question marked eyes turning into exclamation marks of surprise and exhaustion at the same time, ending this hour long run-on sentence with the most comfortable period of a satisfied smile. afterwards, we whisper secretly of things that don't need to ever be said (but should be known anyway), letting them somehow slip in between the parenthesis of our mouths as they travel line by line from our doubled-over hearts into our burning ears. and though the writing in this room seems to be unclear, there is one thing that is clear: it is a moment so defining, it could not be defined.

and all i really know from this, and in terms of you and me, it's that -- i would never want there to ever be a last line.

loveslyric @ 2007-10-17T00:19:00

2007-10-17T04:21:14Z

if we are anything at all
october sixteen two-thou-seven

if we are anything at all,
we are drinks and more drinks
and sweet, sweet drunkeness
by means of your whiskey, jack and coke
and my fancy cocktails in fancy shiny glasses
touching the center of our mouths,

we are touching, touching
of the most discreet kind
underneath tables, bars and slip-on dresses
(making us what people might think
unbelievable dysfunctional messes)

we are shadowy figures of the night
in fifty dollar darkened cabs
underlying with full intentions
of engaging in backseat trysts
with what could only be our wandering lips
that keep accidentally meeting
with open mouth kisses
while your hand, somehow, keeps slipping
because i let it
only to leave me wanting more

and outside of all of that
we are a push and pull
and a further push push away
from what we might really want
to happen between us

and we are these misinterpreted words
and a lack of communication
and incredibly high walls
with no interest in climbing them at all
but yet we still can't help but
flirt with the idea
of you and me
or you in me
and you, buying me, my next drink.

loveslyric @ 2007-07-05T15:28:00

2007-07-05T19:28:51Z

"There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved."

I worry sometimes that this is true, and sometimes I wish it wasn't.

loveslyric @ 2007-05-16T12:35:00

2007-05-16T16:35:25Z

"Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense."

-e.e. cummings

loveslyric @ 2007-05-16T10:58:00

2007-05-16T14:58:52Z

all she really needs
may sixteen; 2007

her body felt immobile afterwards,
as it always had
after an hour of skin on skin collision
discarded clothes scattered on the floor
him not wanting to stop
him only wanting more
with her in his possession,
he was yet again emergent
eager, urgent to pursue
but she, she was a bit phobic
of what the situation would turn into..
one minute they were simply being chatty
and the next they were inside sweaty sheets
with their lower bodies meeting
second after second on repeat
it was a sensation she didn't want to leave
but she wasn't sure she could handle
and in the matters of body over heart
she couldn't help but agree
with the moment and the movement
and the height of their activity
she passionately screamed yes, yes, YES..
as their tangled limbs collapsed
exhausted, defeated, she gave herself in
it wasn't worth the thought involved
it was only worth the feeling
and if this one moment satisfied that
then maybe, maybe this was all she really needed

loveslyric @ 2007-02-20T16:35:00

2007-02-20T21:36:56Z

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." -Erica Jong

the great advantage of being alive

2007-02-12T20:22:19Z

the great advantage of being alive
(instead of undying) is not so much
that mind no more can disprove than prove
what heart may feel and soul may touch
--the great(my darling)happens to be
that love are in we,that love are in we

and here is a secret they never will share
for whom create is less than have
or one times one than when times where--
that we are in love,that we are in love:
with us they've nothing times nothing to do
(for love are in we am in i are in you)

this world(as timorous itsters all
to call their cowardice quite agree)
shall never discover our touch and feel
--for love are in we are in love are in we;
for you are and i am and we are(above
and under all possible worlds)in love

a billion brains may coax undeath
from fancied fact and spaceful time--
no heart can leap,no soul can breathe
but by the sizeless truth of a dream
whose sleep is the sky and the earth and the sea.
For love are in you am in i are in we

-e.e. cummings

may i feel said he

2007-02-12T19:59:36Z

may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she

(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she

(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)

may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she

may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she

but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she

(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she

(cccome?said he
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)

-e.e. cummings

i like my body when it is with your

2007-02-12T19:55:37Z

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like,, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big Love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

-e.e. cummings

loveslyric @ 2007-02-07T23:14:00

2007-02-08T04:14:26Z

I don't know how or why he does it, but he always seems to catch me at my weakest moment.

the neverending battle

2007-01-04T04:14:06Z

It always feels like a huge risk on my heart everytime I choose to see you again.

And even though I prepare for this battle each and every time, I still feel like I lose a little of myself in you.

love and what's left of it

2007-01-02T21:40:27Z

sometimes i fear that one day i won't remember what it was like to be in love. is it all that amazing? is it s'wonderful, s'marvelous as the eyes can see? as the heart can feel?

Sean, Marketing Manager. { 009/365 }

2006-11-11T19:14:54Z

You couldn't have asked for a better, more kinder, more personable person to work for. But that was the problem with your relationship and everybody else in the office knew it. You wouldn’t have been surprised if they thought something was going on between you two, but there wasn’t – it was strictly an office relationship turned friendship, but everyone could see that friendship ranked higher over anything else and they couldn’t stand to see things that way. It was because he let you get away with everything even though you both knew he was the boss and he had the right to command you to do what he wanted you or needed you to do. But because he never forced you to do anything you didn’t really want to do, half the time you always got away with not doing anything at all. And that, in the end, became a huge problem because pressure came down hard on both of you and when neither of you could produce results that seemed unfathomable to begin with, you decided to leave and he was eventually let go.

It was sad the way you two went your separate ways, but that’s how it was supposed to be. You couldn’t take it at that job anymore and you didn’t want to be there if he was planning on leaving as well (which he was). And so it’s more than a year later and you two haven’t kept in touch like you always thought you would if you ever decided to leave the job. But he really is just an email anyway. You insist everytime you see a familiar face from your old job that you will reach out again, but you never get around to doing it. But you should. He’s only an email anyway.

Because you miss him, his jokes, his laughter, his goofy grin and dorky ways. How he thought he was a good dancer, how he was always trying to teach you new things, how he was determined to be the best Marketing Manager he could be. And despite all the tension in the office, how he still manage to have a good laugh with the rest of you when you and your other coworkers post-it note his desk area and toilet paper his chair for his 29th birthday. He was young at heart and that’s what you loved most about it. That’s what made him a great person and in turn, that’s what made him a better boss (to those who were younger than him).

He really made that summer after college a good one because of how personable he was with you and the other interns when you started there. And even though your friendship was a part of what costs both of your jobs to be harder, you don’t regret it, because in him, you had made a great friend after all and to you, this made him the epitome of what you think would be the perfect boss.

- --- -- - --- - -- --- -
{ 009/365 }

Henry Suarez { 008/365 }

2006-11-10T21:53:01Z

It was just a mere coincidence that you two ended up not only going to the same junior high, but the same highschool and college as well. Because of this, he used to joke that this coincidence could have only meant that you were stalking him that whole time. But one time after college, he ended up seeing you randomly in the street and called out your name say hi and you flipped the joke around on him by saying "Who's stalking who now?"

But he was a lovable guy nonetheless. Big, lovable and huggable. Unfortunately you never really got to hug him, but you can only imagine the warmth he's hiding within his arms. You first came across his silly grin in the in the hallways of junior high when he put his arm around you and said "Hey, baby. How's it going?" And your natural reaction was disgust just because he was a boy you didn't know touching you like he knew you. But that was the jokester in him and that was made him a charismatic person. You couldn't help but like him for being that funny guy, your typical class clown. He always had something to say and laughter always seemed to be the inevitable outcome.

Although you two never grew close, you definitely were able to see him somewhat transform from being another immature jokester of a guy to a more mature version of himself. To you, it was just nice to see that some guys like him could mature after all, while other guys still managed to stay the same after even four years down the road.

Somehow, you found each other again through the wonders of the internet and he still seems like he had that same funny guy in him, which was comforting to know because ultimately that's what you loved about him the most.

- --- -- - --- - -- --- -
{ 008/365 }

Singing Lady. { 007/365 }

2006-11-10T21:36:01Z

You haven't personally met her, but like Ariel from The Little Mermaid, she has both red hair and the most beautiful singing voice you have ever heard. It's likely that she knows this and maybe it the reason why she sings while she walks around the office all day, every day. But everytime she does walk by, you always find yourself giggling at her.

To you, this makes her seem a little crazy, and you can't help but wonder if you're the only one in the office who thinks so.

- --- -- - --- - -- --- -
{ 007/365 }

The boy at the Union Tpke train station (2003). { 006/365 }

2006-11-10T21:21:45Z

You were impatiently waiting for the train to come as you did every Thursday morning that semester. You were having a pretty miserable week being that you and Alex had just broken up and the last thing you wanted was for some guy to come up to you and try talk to you.

But this boy didn't know that and out of the corner of your eye, you caught him looking at you. You weren't sure, but you had a feeling as you almost always do whenever a guy is about to come up to you and two seconds later, that's exactly what he did. But he didn't exactly "come up" to you, it was more that sidled his way next to you and made it seem like that was his usual spot to wait for the train and it just happened to have been right next to you.

He looked nervous and most likely younger than you. And like any normal person, you should have just walked a few feet away, but you decided to stay because as much as it was the last thing you wanted to deal with, he looked harmless enough. You don't really remember how he finally approached you, or what he approached you with -- whether he asked your name, or how old you were or where you were coming from. You just remember feeling flattered by the situation and found him just to be overall endearing and not threatening at all. The conversation didn't last too long -- in fact, it ended very abruptly by the loud noise of the train rushing in. The only information he did manage to get from you was just your name and where you were going. And normally you would have lied about both, but because he was trying so hard in the first place, you only felt like you owed him the truth.

And although it was such a short, brief moment -- it was sweet and you will always remember it because of the way you were feeling at the time. Little did he know, from that one minute of a conversation, he gave you the small ounce of hope you needed to realize there would always be other guys (other than your ex).

You wonder a bit now what had happened to the kid, but you hope that he eventually found someone of his own, like you hoped you would one day again at that point in your life.

- --- -- - --- - -- --- -
{ 006/365 }

loveslyric @ 2006-11-09T13:43:00

2006-11-09T18:43:43Z

It's kind of admirable seeing someone younger than you handling heartbreak so much more easily. Why is that, you wonder.

Maybe it's because it's not as real. Or maybe, it's because you're not that strong, after all.

loveslyric @ 2006-11-08T07:56:00

2006-11-08T12:56:33Z

I hate that he just easily makes me fall in love with him again by just saying the simplest of words.

I guess that's how it'll always be with first loves.

loveslyric @ 2006-11-07T11:02:00

2006-11-07T16:02:16Z

it's actually kind of sad, but i think i might finally be accepting the fact that i need to move on.

& it hurts a little to say that because i'm finally going to try and let go, but we all know it's the best thing to do.

Julia Greene. { 005/365 }

2006-11-05T23:25:28Z

She was your favorite camper that first year you worked at camp and she still was when you left 3 years later. Somehow, you were able to convince her of the same -- that you were her favorite counselor too. And even though it's eight years later, a little bit of you still hopes that she will always remember that moment of time you had together as "favorite camper & counselor," because you know you always will.

She was 8 years old, but she seemed like she might be 9. By that, you only mean she could've been one of the older ones in the group, even though she was still a child in your eyes. She knew a lot -- too much for her age, in fact. You wondered where she learned it from all too fast and you tried to prevent her from learning any more of it. You wanted her to stay as innocent as she could at an age like that, but knowing her, you knew you couldn't prevent it for too long. She was a curious one, that little girl, and the things that came out of her mouth, you couldn't help but laugh at. Such as the time when you were sitting with her on the jungle gym and she asked if you were a virgin. Shock filled your face and through your teeth you lied. Fortunately, the little one said she believed you but told you afterwards that if there was anyone that wasn't a virgin in her group of counselors, it would have been Jaime -- to which you had no idea what to say. Because shock still filled your face and the only thing you could do was sit there and wish she was as innocent as you hoped she would be, like the 8 year old you once were when you were younger.

But this little girl reminded you too much of yourself and maybe that was why you were so mesmerized by her. She was sweet, cute, but had this little naughty side about her that she wanted people to know about, but at the same time didn't want anyone to know about. It was strange, but she was you, in one too many ways -- the difference was that she was younger, and starting all too early for herself and all you wanted to do was keep her innocent. But you couldn't and you knew that, but you still tried anyway. You felt like if you didn't make an effort at all, that she might make the wrong decisions, but in the end, it was up to her anyway. And so you let her go. You let her go.

Because she's going to be sixteen in a couple of months and to most teenagers, that means she's an adult. You wish her the best in every endeavor she has because it's the only thing you can do from this far. She isn't your favorite little camper anymore. But to you, she will always be that little eight year old girl.

- --- -- - --- - -- --- -
{ 005/365 }

Mohanie. { 004/365 }

2006-11-05T20:32:23Z

You met her in 1st grade with no real intention of being her best friend. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with her, it was just that you had a best friend already and you didn't understand the concept of having more than just one friend.

She ended up moving to a different school after 2nd grade anyway and for all you knew, you probably would have never seen her again. But junior high came and even though you weren't in the same 5th grade class, she still came up to you in the hallway, asking if you were who she thought you were: Did you go to P.S. 148? Is your name Cindy? Indeed, you did and indeed, it was. You were surprised she even recognized you, but it was nice to see a familiar face even though it had been 2 years since you last saw her. She seemed friendlier than you remembered and although that was the only time you ever crossed paths that year, you had hoped you would see her again, for the sake of at least knowing someone else in a new school where you were still trying to find your own ground.

Sixth grade came, and you, along with everyone else in the class, knew life with Ms Hershey was going to be hell. Luckily, you ended up making a much stable group of friends that year that helped you pull through what you thought might be the most torturous year of your junior high life. And Mohanie ended up not only being a part of that group, but your next best friend, and the friend you know you'll probably have for the rest of your life.

Your friendship gradually went from gossiping in class to morning conversations on the phone to sneaking around and saying you were "at the library" just to hang out after school and talk, talk, talk like you two just couldn't stop doing. You two related on the fact that you were both from strict families, strict cultures, with strict rules, and although you two were always itching to break them, most of the time you never did. You found it endearing that she never really did like your elementary school best friend, and she found it endearing that you never really liked her other best friend. Before you knew it, she was your best friend and you couldn't have been happier finding someone who seemed just like you. Twelve years later, and you two are still the same.

Although highschool and college pulled you two apart, you two have always been able to call and talk like old times -- and that, in itself, has always been the best part about your friendship with her. Just knowing that no matter how far apart you've been, or how long it's been since you two have talked, things never seem to change when you two get together. & Because of that, she is and always will be your number one best friend since childhood.

- --- -- - --- - -- --- -
{ 004/365 }