Alvin. { 001/365 }
You met his laughter and inimitable charm in sophmore year of college. Professor Wolf; statistics class; and through a mutual friend you both ended up never being friends with again. He sat behind you in every class doing crossword puzzles while you struggled to pay attention to how variables, coefficients and the population somehow correlated with one another.Little did you know that he would be the guy who would break every faith you ever had in the feeling of love and in being in love.
You couldn't resist him anyhow. He was an absolute gentleman and because of that, you thought he would never break your heart. He was too nice for that. He was too sweet, too funny, too charming, too perfect. Too perfect should have been the key to knowing there had to be flaws. But you were ridiculously happy and so was he. You spent both summer days and summer nights together just cuddling and sleeping, tucked in each other arms and everyday was a new conversation into discovering each other's minds, personalities, and anything else, inside and out. He told you that you were the highlight of his days and you told him exactly the same. Your face hurt from smiling too much, your heart hurt from overflow. And he just looked at you like you were it. And for that one moment of time, all you wanted was for him to be it for you too.
You felt sixteen again and your final thoughts each day always ended with "this is the happiest i've ever been". It was all very comfortable even from the beginning and things just progressed the way they were supposed to. Dinner, movies, museums, and swingsets in the park. Kissing, cuddling, making love after dark. It all felt right.. until gradually, it all fell apart.
And now it's been six months since you've gone your separate ways. He didn't love you like you wanted him to anymore, and in turn, you stopped loving him too. For a long time, neither of you knew what to do, but the decision was more than obvious. Things stopped being the same and you decided to just go along your way. What you both thought was love was just more than like, but less than amazing. It was a state of limbo that neither of you could bare to dance anymore. So you left, and he cried. Somehow, though, you know you'll survive.
But just like he managed to charm himself into your life back then -- he's still manages to do the same today. "It's okay to be friends", he says, without any dismay -- but you feel like you're not completely ready for that. Because of one too many things; and the fact that there's a part of you that still wants him to stay, even though you know all is lost. Because with him, you want life, you want hope, you want love, you want sex. & you want him, to want you, the way you still (sometimes) wish he did.
But it's six months later and this is the last thing you should be feeling.
There are still traces of him in your heart, in your mind, in your face and on your skin, and because of that, you still give in. You still give in. And all you really want is time, not hope, not change, not heartache -- just time. To move on, ahead, away from this Prince Charming -- this Prince Charming with the big brown eyes and the very tin heart that turned you away.
{ 001/365 }